The Salvation Army Spryfield Community Church and Family Resource Centre

You were going to say “forget”, weren’t you? Forgive and forget. Something you’ve no doubt heard by well-meaning people (perhaps even pastors) who tell you that you need to get over your problem and simply forget about it.

In my pastoral care class we had some great discussion on the true nature of forgiveness.  The maxim, “forgive and forget” is not found in the Bible. It’s a classic case of taking a common bit of folk wisdom an projecting it on scripture. I’d like to share with you some of my class notes on forgiveness, taken from a lecture given by the Rev. Dr. Jody Clarke, Atlantic School of Theology.

“Forgive and Forget – as a platitude it compromises both the nature of forgiveness and the integrity of the mind’s capacity to remember.  Besides, one of the first manifestations of a person’s resistances is that of masochistic self recrimination.  (i.e. “I am so stupid.”  “I don’t remember.”)

Forgive and Remember – this is also ripe with the trappings of self-defeating structure known as rationalization.  With this maxim, the self says that he or she will forgive but reserves the right to hold a grudge.  Also by remembering, the self is vowing never to allow the injury to occur again.  As laudable as this is, it nonetheless points to the fact that the individual is still navigating life from a place of injury rather than clarity.

The new maxim, Engage the cracks and then allow the self to restructure itself.  The interesting thing is that in truly engaging the cracks the self is changed – to forgive and forget to forgive and remember become mote points because the self decides that life is not to be lived as a victim, as a slave to the repressed machinations of the heart.”

Not as easy a saying to remember as “forgive and forget”, is it? But life isn’t about easy sayings that leave us with little comfort – sayings that are simply untrue.  God does want us to forgive.  Whether we forget the injury is immaterial – it’s about how we come away from the experience.  Are you limping through life, or are you walking free? How would forgiveness bring healing into your life?

Alexander III of Macedon (356-323 BC), popularly known as Alexander the Great

A devotional thought:

When Alexander the Great ruled all the known world, he made it his policy to hear any appeal made to him.  One day a young soldier was brought before Alexander for trial.  The young man wore the tunic of Alexander’s Army.  “With what is he charged?” asked Alexander who held absolute authority in all matters.  There would be no appeal of his verdict.  “He is charged with cowardice in battle,” answered the prosecutor.

A great hush fell over the crowd gathered in the judgment hall.  They knew Alexander as a general who expected his men to be gallant since he, himself, did not push his soldiers but led them into the thick of battle.  Alexander looked at the young soldier who was a mere youth, fair haired and still too young to shave.  The angry scowl on his face slowly changed into an understanding smile, “What is your name, soldier?”  “Worthy King,” responded the youth, “my name is as yours – Alexander.”

Anger came back into Alexander’s face, and he leaped to his feet.  Alexander grabbed the soldier’s tunic.  “Young soldier,” he said with great control, “either change your name, or change your behaviour.”

Christian, are you worthy of His name? 

(Illustration Digest, p. 7)